*Crickets

 Hello Wahai Manusia,

I hope you have been well. I know you have not heard from me in 4 years but I'm alive and thriving. To tell you the truth, I've lost the concept of time. These years have been very awakening to me. One snap of the fingers * and all my life seems to be is beautiful, even when it's not. You know when you're having the time of your life, tipsy and you're singing with strangers at a bar while the music drowns out behind you. Those moments seem to stick with you. Alcohol makes you do things. On second thought, it doesn't, you're just more sensitive and everything feels right. That Pisces indulges in that and forgets the real world for a bit. 

I have mindfully sat with myself for a whole year. Truly observing all that's around me. Some days, wanting to escape the norm. Life is really what you make of it and when you don't make anything out of it, that's it, it's nothing. Don't get me wrong, I am an advocate for taking time to do nothing but don't be nothing. In fact, that's impossible, we're nothing and something at the same time. 

In this journey of self-understanding, I've understood some things and also, have completely scratched all that I believed in. Certain things come up to mind and I let them dissolve. I'm trying to dissolve the limiting beliefs that have been imposed on me while simultaneously building new beliefs only to shatter it the next day. Then, I am in this weird space, limbo, if you will. 

I once wrote a whisper saying that and someone tried to joke "like the limbo dance?". That made me laugh. I never liked people who did that, adding salt to a fresh wound. I don't know why I take offense to that when I have always laughed at it. As I write this, my mind and opinions are always changing. Over the years, I have mastered that - not saying what I want to say. Both to my benefit and not. 

I can tell you, most of the things unsaid, I have forgotten. For a good reason. Some things don't have to be stored in my memory box. Anyways, I am on a new journey, I am always on a new journey. I don't know if you caught that sentence when I mentioned my journey of self understanding. I was trying to avoid the word discovery because I have learnt that it's not about discovering yourself, it's about creating yourself as you go. There's also a part of me that believe that the self does not exist. I don't know. Knowing more things can be so conflicting. It was best when we didn't know much about the world. Now, is good too but sometimes you can't shut the noise in your head. 

I will be writing in creative spurts. As for right now, I am going to watch Best Ever Food Review Show on YouTube. Till next time kawan!