Why you gotta be so mean?

I admit with full honesty Im the most sensitive. Since birth i guess. Sometimes people cross over the line but still I try to keep my face straight. Sometimes I feel jokes made about me is hurtful. Voices of speech may say 'I dont mean it. Its a joke lah..' to me jokes are a way of covering up the the cold hard truth.

If it wasn't for an excuse, I'd burst into tears.Im those over-confident people a.k.a perasan cases. And yeah i tend to say stuff beyond expectations. Im just making myself happy. A happy girl is a pretty girl. Is it necessary to go around saying 'perasan'? or *vomits* Sometimes its support that I need.

I remember Sel Gomez's song 'Who says' and I was happy knowing that I am who I am, and nobody can tell me who I can and can't be. As I wrote that status, I didnt gain likes, I gained disgust. But when my friends put them as a status they gain likes. Is it because Im not pretty? Im not smart? Im mean?

I support people in ways no one could. I say stuff from deep within. Still, people see me as conceited. People rather focus on my negativity than the beauty I have to offer. Sometimes I just feel that no one can understand me. Im left with no one to talk to.

Look at me now, think all you want. But did you ever know one of my dreams we're to win a Nobel Peace Prize? or help the clean the town, earn that money to buy food for the Bush people in Africa? I bet ya'll didnt know that about me. I may be ambitious but Im ambitious for the greater cause.

And lesbianism. Im against it in so many ways. The last thing i'd do is to be lesbian. Its not that because of a friend I seem lesbian-ish. Im with you guys aren't I? Does that make me a lesbian? Just because Im close with someone, instantly people think otherwise. Before opening your mouth, did you think I was always her friend? I sticked by her through thick and thin.

I didnt give a fucking crap about what people would say or how they would look upon me. I took her in when everyone rejected her. When she had no shoulder to cry on. yes, I do love her. Because she is the one who helped me like I helped her. She may be over the top sometimes but in time,she'll realise her mistakes. I never liked to judge people by their own cover.

And I certainly do not like people judging me. I stick up for people so much, Despite, the harsh words set to one another. Everyone has their weakness, never make fun of that. The Lord taught us how to accept someone for who they are. If they are something bad, so be it. Time can change a person. We dont have to poke pur noses around.

So maybe, just maybe, Im not pretty,tall,smart etc. or If Im transgandered,lesbian,pregnant etc. I am who I am and I'll forever be myself. If you cant accept me the way I am now, you'll never will and never can. Physically im different but what counts is in the heart.

People may throw dirt on you now, but people will throw more dirt when your in the casket.
Let words drift off into rumors, as long you know whats right, and your doing it for the right cause, your on the right path. Nobody knows you better than yourself!

thilaCamillo