When I Grow Up...

  I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies. Sounds familiar? hahaha I went all Pussycat Dolls on you. But really lah, I'm having a big ass dilemma. 

di·lem·ma

diˈlemə,dīˈlemə/

noun

1. a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones.

  I am no longer a fresh high school graduate, I am considered layu (withered). I am STILL out of school because The Man up there has plans for me. I ain't even gonna try to get myself all worked up on it. I am not a religious person, I'm not pious but I have faith in God/The Universe. My ultimate belief is that whatever's planned for you, only moves you forward. 

  I remember wanting to be a scientist when I was around the age of 6 to 8. It became a 'thing' in school and everyone wanted to be a scientist *cough copycats *cough. I was extremely agitated how nobody had the sense of originality but me. I gave up wanting to be a scientist. To be honest, it was all papa's encouragement. He would tell me about research & development and I liked it but for a superficial reason, because it had big, bold bombastic words in it like SCIENTIST, RESEARCH, DEVELOPMENT. That was my key to being the cool kid on the block! 

  Let me break this down numerally;

2. Age 9 to 10 

    I wanted to be a meteorologist. Back then I thought meteorologist studied the universe and meteors and planets and the whole damn entire galaxy. I was so wrong and I realized that when I watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. I'm not gonna waste my time studying the fucking weather. This transitioned into being an astronaut but that died down too quickly.

3. Age 11 to 13

     Next, was to be an Archaeologist. Again, with a fancy title. I am a total sucker for Greek and Egyptian Myth. I love Mythology in general. I wasn't so much of a Historian, I disliked war stories (it can literally bore me to death). I told myself why not get down and dirty? My mom discouraged me saying I'm gonna look for bones. *rolls eyes This carried on for a lengthy period of time until one fine day I was on YouTube learning a thing or two about Archeology and I nearly fell asleep. I could never stay focused during my History lessons back in school, I wonder what did I expect? 

4. Age 14 to 17 

    This was a total mish mosh. I noticed a sense of maturity in my choices and began dreaming realistically. Unfortunately, I was being too ambitious. I wanted to major in Anthropology and be an author at the same time. I wanted to give talks and teach at renown universities and be in demand as to how papa use to describe it. Then, it hit me. I had to start somewhere but where? This haunted me to the very final day, so close to graduating high school a teacher of mine asked me what I wanted to be. For the first time in forever, I lied, not only to her but myself. I came up with something impressive but deep down it didn't feel right. 

  Now, I am 18 going on 19 and I'm going to be the big 2-0 next year and I am lost. It's eating up my insides. It's super challenging. People my age tend to rush into their studies just so they can graduate ASAP with a degree because apparently 'all degree holders end up getting highly-paid jobs' so they say. 

  For me, I didn't grow up with typical Asian parents telling me to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Coming from a Filipino-Indian  background, it's a bloody whirlwind. You're either a reject or you're an over-achiever. There. Is. No. In. Between. 

  This summer I have been exposed to a lot of different careers. I had the opportunity to work with Chefs, Interior Designers, Gym Instructors etc. Suddenly, a branch on my log sprouted. There I had the dream to be an interior designer and even a chef myself! I guess its the exposure I got to experiment different careers without burning a hole in my pocket or committing to something I was unsure of.  

 The problem is, I don't know what course to take up. Some people say 'Do what you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life!' Some people say 'Choose a career that is in demand and it will pay well'. The struggle is that I want to do what I love, at the same time I want what I love to do, to pay the bills. 

 I'm at a crossroad. I just wish anyone could take up as many courses as they like without having to spend a fortune. The human being is designed in such a way to be versatile. If you so happen to reach this part of my blog post, do comment below or hit me up on my other social medias and answer this question:

BASED ON YOUR PERSONAL VIEW, WHAT CAREER WOULD I MOST LIKELY END UP PURSUING? 

 I know I shouldn't let other people decide but I just want to get different perspectives from different people. You don't have to know me personally to answer this. A rough sketch based on my personality would be a guide to answering the question above. 

  

Signing off, 

Thilamisu