Im second best

Sitting here tonight, fingers going off like tap tap tap. At this point, I could burst out the truth and hurts someones feelings. But I know where my limit lies this time. I know not to cross the line nor part from the line.

I feel second best at this very point. In school,love,friends,family. But I have nobody to break it down to. I keep my feelings so trapped in me that I could almost go insane. Not everyone is able to shut their mouth once the cat is let out of the bag.

This could be the millionth time I am dissapointed with myself. I can fortell whats gonna happen, first, my words would give me confidence and I would go to sleep feeling that everything is gonna be okay but waking up tomorrow feeling like a nobody.

I wish to tell my teacher to help me on my test and put me on top.
I wish to tell my crush how much I adore him without me being in an actual relationship.
I wish to tell my friend to stay away from a certain someone because I dont want her nor that person to get hurt.
I wish to tell my family how much I love them and how much I want them to love me.

this goes on in my head. A never ending thread. Life is a game, and Im always second best. When Im on the top, it feels like Im reaching for it but never touching it.

Thank God I have Katy Perry on my earphones. There's many things I want in my life, alot, uncountable and remaining plural. If only things went my way, will things turn up well or otherwise? Why do I bother blog? Its just be whining.

thilaCamillo