This is it.
(Read it with your mom,dad and sisters if you have to)
Here on behalf of me;
As much as you'd be expecting for an 'apology' note, don't get your hopes up. There won't be any harsh remarks and insulting because I've already said what I meant the other day. You never really knew what issues I had with you. I kept every single memory of what you've done that was very hurtful. You can ask Avi how sometimes, I come back home crying because I can't seem to free my mind, I can't seem to make things right, I can't seem to make myself feel happy. I care about you just as much as I care about the rest. (it sounds stupid when I say it, but when you say you understand people, it makes a whole load of sense.. Am I right?)
Let me clear out things that I found very hurtful through our entire friendship that didn't last so long. The one thing I ask from you is not to deny. If you hadn't made these painful remarks, I wouldn't have remembered it till today. I don't know how you move on, but It's not so easy for me. There was once all of us talked about first impressions back last year. Everyone was exchanging their thoughts on 'how-i-met-my-best friend'. When it came to you, referring to me, you said this;
'The first time I saw you,I really didn't like you'
Ouch.. That wasn't very nice, I took it in like I didn't mind, but it DID bother me. Till today. I moved on. Then came a phase where I had a thing for Vilakshan (yes I shall be stating names). I trusted you with every ounce of trust a friend should have towards each other. I told you about the crush, about the hook up and the break up. Then came the part where Kalasha was involved. That, I didn't mind. The fact your little sister knew. Only the fact you didn't tell me there and then. The fact that broke me was, the fact your mom knew. You said;
'I have to do everything for Kalasha cuz she threatened me that she'll tell mom'
I know this is a little bit edited. This was what I understood. In the end your mom knew anyways. I was so afraid that she would have a bad perspective towards me. You told me,
'It will be fine, she's not like that, don't you worry'
This made me feel so secure. Like I could believe you. You told me;
'It wouldn't be the same without one out of six of us'
You said it like our friendship would last till we were old and grey. This is just the beginning of what you told me, of what I still remember. I asked you about Harwin. I asked you permission as though he was yours still. You kept telling me;
'Thils it's okay, I'm over him, we never really had a proper relationship, if you're gonna be in a relationship with him, then I will support you'
The trust kept growing, and from every part that I wanted to hate you, It all reclaimed. I just pushed myself to stay strong with our friendship. I remember watching a movie a while back and it made me comprehend that I shouldn't tell my friends what they should be or should not be. Maybe it's just the way you roll, and friends, they have to live with every flaw. So I thought. You're beautiful. Compared to everyone, including myself. You were that 'it' girl everyone wanted to get to know. We all try so hard to make people happy but we realise we can't live up to where you stand. As you said;
'You're beneath me. Always has, always will'
If you want me to be lower than you, then so I am. I'm not rich, my dad doesn't spend thousands, maybe even millions. In fact, my dad is not working, he sold off his last share just for the sake of us. Toi and I. My mom works in the US, so what? She 'ran away' from her troubles in Malaysia. Her depression. Her constant medicines. Her smoking. She went away to live once more. I don't have a huge house, whether it's a small or big bungalow. It's a tiny comfy house and anything but a bungalow. I don't have pets, unless you consider house lizards pets. I'm not smart but I and well enough educated. I don't take school for granted because my mom told me to always have faith in God and keep going. I failed so many times, but I showed Pn. Rohaizah I could come up. My family has no money to shift me off to a private school like you do. I don't have many cars, just one big blue car that keeps me safe from the harsh weather. My clothes are not expensive, they're just simple materials to cover myself. I'm not tall, no supermodel height. I'm not pretty, always insecure with the flat nose. I don't have flawless skin and I definitely don't have lots of boys hitting my inbox up like you do. Walk a mile in my shoes, and you'll see.
What was so painful was seeing how all the girls were so insecure of themselves because of you. How they think they're not pretty enough. You are able to show your skin but I have scars to hide. It brought me to tears when I cried to myself thinking I'm not beautiful. You guys love making jokes about me being 'cacat' or 'sakai', I don't think you know how much it hurts to be labelled like that. Jokes are jokes but nevertheless, I'm human too. Everyone has their own special trait. Mine so happens to be a negative one.
'Mi Shie is awesome,Reen Loveya is hot,Thila Camillo is sakai, Rupini Lalithya is the birthday girl and hot obviously, Syahriah Firdaus is the busty lady... Love you guys!
Never really had a pretty trait. It's unfair how you cry for a day and teachers think we bullied you. I get emotionally bullied by people and no one seems to care. No one took notice but Sham and Mish when I cut myself this year. 17 lashes to the arm. No one gave a care. At times I get so troubled, I just wish to be with my birth mom. To just end life like that.
Remember the Suraj incident? I warned you with all my might. You took it the wrong way. You thought I was jealous, you thought I wanted him for me. Lali, all I was trying to do is save you from forthcoming mishaps. He was a friend to me before, and well because of this, I'm one less friendless girl. I couldn't do anything to stop you. His sisters loved you. They welcomed you. Everyone accepts you so openly but not me, because apparently I'm uptight. That time you came back with Hareen and I and you said;
'Thila you were right, I should've trusted you. I regret now'
That wasn't relief if you asked me. I didn't wanna say 'I told you so'. I wanted to be the one to stop you before you regretted. I really tried. You should remember the incident right. Where Suraj held my hand during 'In time' ? I didn't touch him but he held on. All you could say is;
'passed to mish; tell Thila not to do that, Kalasha is here, she will tell mom'
I thought you had my back. Remember the incident when he wanted to kiss you? Remember how he said he threathened jokingly about wanting to rape you? I may be fooled but I was afraid. I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself, all I'm saying is that, I'll be there with you against anyone. You guys left for like the entire movie. Off to where? I had no idea. I had no knowledge on this. I was just afraid that you were in trouble. Do you see jealousy?
Half the new years eve outing, you were with Suraj. I thought;
'Chicks before dicks'
I hope this quotes all sounds familiar to you. I just want you to apprehend. You left Mish and I walking like fools in the mall. By the time you got back you posted
'Had and awesome new years eve outing with Suraj Kumar, Thila Camillo and Mi Shie'
Fun? when? With Mi shie, yes. Remember when we had that small pool party? You said you couldn't come and I thought that sucked because 'It's not the same without one out of six of us'. You could still afford to text;
'Make sure you guys take a lot of pictures!'
Why is it when we make time for all six of us, you don't show up. In a year, almost two, can you believe we haven't had a picture of all six of us? The frank reason why I invited you to Sunway was because I knew somehow, the answer would be a no. When the situation acted otherwise? I had to do what I didn't want to. Patch Avi and you back together. You and him, you guys where the happiest people on earth. It caused a stir. I was pea green with envy. I always wanted someone like him. You were just so lucky. So perfect, you have money, figure, and a perfect guy.
I hate how I let you down. You trusted me. You told me everything about Avi, and I know what if feels like to have your best friend turn against you. People kept telling me 'Thila, why must you ask permission from her, she doesn't own them' But I just couldnt bare. In Harwin's case, I asked you. In Avi's case I didn't. It was dumb of me, being insensitive and mindful.
I had it coming, how this wouldn't turn out so well. You came that day with your polka dot shirt and you went to the bathroom to change. I must say you had it all planned. In the bus you clearly told us, or maybe me;
'When you're gonna see your ex, you have to look better than you were before'
That's feisty. When we reached Sunway, When he stood there, you had this whole attitude. You were infront of him and you stopped and walked back. You said;
'I can't do this'
Avi said hello and the whole day you were telling the rest he didn't even say hi. I heard it and so did Mi shie. When we were in the arcade, I pestered him to go talk to you. I said 'Please start a conversation with her, she thought you didn't say hi, please, I just beg you'. Everytime he tried, you never let him to do so. Instead you grabbed my arm and said
'It's okay Thila, he likes you' *walks away
I was crushed. That's the last thing I wanna hear from a friend. A best friend. I was so lost. I didn't know how to react. Nurina's friend ask me that very day 'Eh itu boyfriend you ke?' You know what I said? 'Lali' I pointed. The whole day was just you giving him constructive criticism. He was being nice to you all along, he was being a gentleman. And you were saying stuff like;
'I asked you to plank on my head, so plank on my head!'
During the truth or dare session. The day ended very heartbreakingly. You told Syahriah;
'How many ex boyfriends is she gonna steal summore?'
You said you didn't mind about Harwin. When this came out, YOU caught ME off guard. I did no such thing as steal. Sham was on your side the whole day, Avi didn't do anything to her, yet she just put off a face. When you went to see your cousin in the bowling alley, you came back with a different outfit. I asked you why you change? You replied;
'I dress up for myself and no one else'
It's a real mindfuck. (mind my language) I learn from what I see. This is how you change so easily. It's not that I try to judge you or I try to control who I friend and all. I have no right to control and so do you. I'm sorry to say, but you don't have the right to tell me who I should be in a relationship with. You assumed Avi and I got together after that Sunway outing. I tried my best to convince you that I had no personal relationship with him. Sure, he posted a long status but I'm not that absent minded to have said yes. I knew it hurt Lalithya, I knew how it hurt very well. I told you the truth.
You ought to know because you read Mi Shie's twitter inbox. You read my full intention. You asked me;
'what's up with you and Avi?
'I am saying that why r u "layaning" when you clearly have unresolved feelings towards haraa?'
Another ouch. It sounded very territorial of you. It made me feel uncomfortable. I told you that Avi would wait for me and here's what you said;
'Owh the wait trick.Yeah been there, just irk be carefully with him. U know how he made me feel then dumped me. Yeah I just do t want u to get hurt Thils'
That's the original message. Every single word of it. What happened yesterday, the whole mom calling incident,that wasn't right. Think of it this way, she's a mom, an adult, a supposed rational adult. It wasn't right for her to not let the girls talk. She said that she has heard your part of the story but ours and correct her if she's wrong. Everytime they wanted to correct her. Wanted to white out that twist you've made, she never gave them a chance, that's the thing with adults, you always lose. Hands down.
I actually looked up to your mom you know that? How she has had a lot of hardship but still she is able to raise 3 daughters on her own. I respected her till she called me a 'total disaster'. That is beyond painful. It's like another way of saying that I was born and accident. Might as well pull a trigger to my chest. I don't mean to be offensive, but for a mom, that was low. Commenting on other people's child? She's no different from me, only thing is she's an adult. The thought that she told you not to friend us all, wow.. that's a little bit hurtful. We had your back and now we're nobody to you.
We're all 16. Your mom referred to the girls are primary school kids, I'm sorry but we didn't involve our parents in on it. We didn't ask our moms to solve our problems. Because we're mature enough to think for ourselves. We're mature to solve problems for ourselves. Parents aren't gonna be always there to save our asses. One day they'll all be ashes.
There were a number of things I wanted to say, And pulling the family card was one of them. I knew my boundary. It's not that I am an;
'attention seeker'
You just hurt everyone. Syahriah is the most delicate one in the bunch, you would know that huh 'best friend' ? You know what she's been through and you know how she gets touchy for a small thing. I didn't wanna see her cry.
Remember Sharvin? Your current boyfriend? Manavar Vizha. I didn't attend the prize giving ceremony. I didnt know I won for the Essay Competition. You went up to represent me, and we were in an argument. Sham asked why you took my medal? and what did you say?
'I know I don't like her, but I like the medal'
You're known enough and you had to steal that from me too. I have only a voice to stand out. A little bit of essay writing. That's it. I do what I can to live up to what I'm gifted with. I'm constantly getting hurt by you. Everytime I want to patch things up, you give me a reason not to.
Remember how Sham told you abou that crush she had on Sharvin ? You just had to dare your sister to go and tell Sharvin that YOU had a crush on him. Sham went on for a while on this topic, she got hurt. If not for more rejection, Sharvin called her 'sis' and said he didn't like her like he liked you.She has had hell and you of all people, would know that. I remember asking you, since when did you like Sharvin ? you said;
'since last year itself I like him'
When you are with Avi? When you were with Darwin ? This runs in my head, you liked someone else when you WERE in a relationship ? Sometimes Lali, you have to choose the right words.
The way you acted during Sham's brother's wedding dinner, I can't forget. Those sticks for the dance had to suddenly disappear. We were waiting for guests in the doorway and I vividly remember you instructing me;
'Thila, come here, hold this...'
And you happily walked off laughing about with syahriah. I was left standing there. They all told me after I sang that night, you didn't clap but your mom did, and you told her to stop. Ouch.. ouch..ouch.. This is what it's like for me Lali, I don't need no response from you, as always, I want to convey the message. The whole storyline behind this.
Here, you hurt me in many ways I can't deduce, you hurt Mish by invading her privacy, she trusted you less after that, you hurt Sham by Sharvin and last but not least, Isolating Syahriah.
Syah was starting to think you'd never leave her, but she felt alone, not just her but me. Though we patched things back up, it didn't feel like it. You never want to spend time more with us, that's because you found Nathlyn. I have nothing against Nat.
I've earnt a lot of haters throughout this journey and I'm finally bringing it to an end. Best friend tell each other everything. You never wanted to tell who your boyfriends were cause you saw us as a jinx somehow. You never told us that you were leaving for Tenby. You even skipped your add maths exam because;
'I'm not taking SPM, SPM is not recognized anywhere only in Malaysia'
As much reluctancy I had in me. I did want all six of us to graduate together next year. All in our robes and hats, with our scrolls, we are always gonna remain like that in my head. I just was tired of everyone getting hurt Lali, I seek for no attention. I seek for no live drama. I seek for no satisfaction.
I told many people before I don't like confrontation. I'm bad when it comes to me talking face to face. Nothing is pretty. You insisted on it Lalithya Rupini. When I talk behind your back and post status, you don't think it's right. When I talk to you, you don't think it's right.Who's controlling who ? I have a very bad temper and talking in a calm and orderly fashion wont do no justice. I was raised by a strong woman. What I said that day, I had let out. This is all just in detail. The main answer to your;
'what problem do you have with me?'
This is my substitute to the answer
'The fact you're still alive'.
Mean and subjective as it is, I'm sorry but I'm not taking that back. You just had to know how much hate runs through my veins. As I raised my voice the other day, so did you. I tried to spare your feelings by approaching you online, but you always thought that I was afraid. You claimed;
'I can't cry, I have no emotions'
I managed to see that emotional side that I broke out of your egotistic self. That's all I needed. A friend that will laugh and cry at given times. Now you're a free bird, I'll leave you in peace and pieces(figure of speech). Because of ME, you're shifting schools. Then so be it.
I just hope you find friends worthy enough for you, not us, and definitely not me. I don't want no feedback,please. I'm not scared. I just want you to see it from my point of view. Your mother can bring us to the headmistress, she can do whatever she wants,she wants to tell my dad I have a boyfriend, he already knows. I won't be here long either. So it's sayonara.
I hope that answered your questions. I won't be answering anymore. This is the final straw. You have finally been answered. If change comes knocking on your door, go with the flow, if you happen to end up in the same situation again *touchwood you know what to do. Avoid history from repeating itself.
Sincerely,
S.Thilakawathy Camillo
Here on behalf of me;
As much as you'd be expecting for an 'apology' note, don't get your hopes up. There won't be any harsh remarks and insulting because I've already said what I meant the other day. You never really knew what issues I had with you. I kept every single memory of what you've done that was very hurtful. You can ask Avi how sometimes, I come back home crying because I can't seem to free my mind, I can't seem to make things right, I can't seem to make myself feel happy. I care about you just as much as I care about the rest. (it sounds stupid when I say it, but when you say you understand people, it makes a whole load of sense.. Am I right?)
Let me clear out things that I found very hurtful through our entire friendship that didn't last so long. The one thing I ask from you is not to deny. If you hadn't made these painful remarks, I wouldn't have remembered it till today. I don't know how you move on, but It's not so easy for me. There was once all of us talked about first impressions back last year. Everyone was exchanging their thoughts on 'how-i-met-my-best friend'. When it came to you, referring to me, you said this;
'The first time I saw you,I really didn't like you'
Ouch.. That wasn't very nice, I took it in like I didn't mind, but it DID bother me. Till today. I moved on. Then came a phase where I had a thing for Vilakshan (yes I shall be stating names). I trusted you with every ounce of trust a friend should have towards each other. I told you about the crush, about the hook up and the break up. Then came the part where Kalasha was involved. That, I didn't mind. The fact your little sister knew. Only the fact you didn't tell me there and then. The fact that broke me was, the fact your mom knew. You said;
'I have to do everything for Kalasha cuz she threatened me that she'll tell mom'
I know this is a little bit edited. This was what I understood. In the end your mom knew anyways. I was so afraid that she would have a bad perspective towards me. You told me,
'It will be fine, she's not like that, don't you worry'
This made me feel so secure. Like I could believe you. You told me;
'It wouldn't be the same without one out of six of us'
You said it like our friendship would last till we were old and grey. This is just the beginning of what you told me, of what I still remember. I asked you about Harwin. I asked you permission as though he was yours still. You kept telling me;
'Thils it's okay, I'm over him, we never really had a proper relationship, if you're gonna be in a relationship with him, then I will support you'
The trust kept growing, and from every part that I wanted to hate you, It all reclaimed. I just pushed myself to stay strong with our friendship. I remember watching a movie a while back and it made me comprehend that I shouldn't tell my friends what they should be or should not be. Maybe it's just the way you roll, and friends, they have to live with every flaw. So I thought. You're beautiful. Compared to everyone, including myself. You were that 'it' girl everyone wanted to get to know. We all try so hard to make people happy but we realise we can't live up to where you stand. As you said;
'You're beneath me. Always has, always will'
If you want me to be lower than you, then so I am. I'm not rich, my dad doesn't spend thousands, maybe even millions. In fact, my dad is not working, he sold off his last share just for the sake of us. Toi and I. My mom works in the US, so what? She 'ran away' from her troubles in Malaysia. Her depression. Her constant medicines. Her smoking. She went away to live once more. I don't have a huge house, whether it's a small or big bungalow. It's a tiny comfy house and anything but a bungalow. I don't have pets, unless you consider house lizards pets. I'm not smart but I and well enough educated. I don't take school for granted because my mom told me to always have faith in God and keep going. I failed so many times, but I showed Pn. Rohaizah I could come up. My family has no money to shift me off to a private school like you do. I don't have many cars, just one big blue car that keeps me safe from the harsh weather. My clothes are not expensive, they're just simple materials to cover myself. I'm not tall, no supermodel height. I'm not pretty, always insecure with the flat nose. I don't have flawless skin and I definitely don't have lots of boys hitting my inbox up like you do. Walk a mile in my shoes, and you'll see.
What was so painful was seeing how all the girls were so insecure of themselves because of you. How they think they're not pretty enough. You are able to show your skin but I have scars to hide. It brought me to tears when I cried to myself thinking I'm not beautiful. You guys love making jokes about me being 'cacat' or 'sakai', I don't think you know how much it hurts to be labelled like that. Jokes are jokes but nevertheless, I'm human too. Everyone has their own special trait. Mine so happens to be a negative one.
'Mi Shie is awesome,Reen Loveya is hot,Thila Camillo is sakai, Rupini Lalithya is the birthday girl and hot obviously, Syahriah Firdaus is the busty lady... Love you guys!
Never really had a pretty trait. It's unfair how you cry for a day and teachers think we bullied you. I get emotionally bullied by people and no one seems to care. No one took notice but Sham and Mish when I cut myself this year. 17 lashes to the arm. No one gave a care. At times I get so troubled, I just wish to be with my birth mom. To just end life like that.
Remember the Suraj incident? I warned you with all my might. You took it the wrong way. You thought I was jealous, you thought I wanted him for me. Lali, all I was trying to do is save you from forthcoming mishaps. He was a friend to me before, and well because of this, I'm one less friendless girl. I couldn't do anything to stop you. His sisters loved you. They welcomed you. Everyone accepts you so openly but not me, because apparently I'm uptight. That time you came back with Hareen and I and you said;
'Thila you were right, I should've trusted you. I regret now'
That wasn't relief if you asked me. I didn't wanna say 'I told you so'. I wanted to be the one to stop you before you regretted. I really tried. You should remember the incident right. Where Suraj held my hand during 'In time' ? I didn't touch him but he held on. All you could say is;
'passed to mish; tell Thila not to do that, Kalasha is here, she will tell mom'
I thought you had my back. Remember the incident when he wanted to kiss you? Remember how he said he threathened jokingly about wanting to rape you? I may be fooled but I was afraid. I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself, all I'm saying is that, I'll be there with you against anyone. You guys left for like the entire movie. Off to where? I had no idea. I had no knowledge on this. I was just afraid that you were in trouble. Do you see jealousy?
Half the new years eve outing, you were with Suraj. I thought;
'Chicks before dicks'
I hope this quotes all sounds familiar to you. I just want you to apprehend. You left Mish and I walking like fools in the mall. By the time you got back you posted
'Had and awesome new years eve outing with Suraj Kumar, Thila Camillo and Mi Shie'
Fun? when? With Mi shie, yes. Remember when we had that small pool party? You said you couldn't come and I thought that sucked because 'It's not the same without one out of six of us'. You could still afford to text;
'Make sure you guys take a lot of pictures!'
Why is it when we make time for all six of us, you don't show up. In a year, almost two, can you believe we haven't had a picture of all six of us? The frank reason why I invited you to Sunway was because I knew somehow, the answer would be a no. When the situation acted otherwise? I had to do what I didn't want to. Patch Avi and you back together. You and him, you guys where the happiest people on earth. It caused a stir. I was pea green with envy. I always wanted someone like him. You were just so lucky. So perfect, you have money, figure, and a perfect guy.
I hate how I let you down. You trusted me. You told me everything about Avi, and I know what if feels like to have your best friend turn against you. People kept telling me 'Thila, why must you ask permission from her, she doesn't own them' But I just couldnt bare. In Harwin's case, I asked you. In Avi's case I didn't. It was dumb of me, being insensitive and mindful.
I had it coming, how this wouldn't turn out so well. You came that day with your polka dot shirt and you went to the bathroom to change. I must say you had it all planned. In the bus you clearly told us, or maybe me;
'When you're gonna see your ex, you have to look better than you were before'
That's feisty. When we reached Sunway, When he stood there, you had this whole attitude. You were infront of him and you stopped and walked back. You said;
'I can't do this'
Avi said hello and the whole day you were telling the rest he didn't even say hi. I heard it and so did Mi shie. When we were in the arcade, I pestered him to go talk to you. I said 'Please start a conversation with her, she thought you didn't say hi, please, I just beg you'. Everytime he tried, you never let him to do so. Instead you grabbed my arm and said
'It's okay Thila, he likes you' *walks away
I was crushed. That's the last thing I wanna hear from a friend. A best friend. I was so lost. I didn't know how to react. Nurina's friend ask me that very day 'Eh itu boyfriend you ke?' You know what I said? 'Lali' I pointed. The whole day was just you giving him constructive criticism. He was being nice to you all along, he was being a gentleman. And you were saying stuff like;
'I asked you to plank on my head, so plank on my head!'
During the truth or dare session. The day ended very heartbreakingly. You told Syahriah;
'How many ex boyfriends is she gonna steal summore?'
You said you didn't mind about Harwin. When this came out, YOU caught ME off guard. I did no such thing as steal. Sham was on your side the whole day, Avi didn't do anything to her, yet she just put off a face. When you went to see your cousin in the bowling alley, you came back with a different outfit. I asked you why you change? You replied;
'I dress up for myself and no one else'
It's a real mindfuck. (mind my language) I learn from what I see. This is how you change so easily. It's not that I try to judge you or I try to control who I friend and all. I have no right to control and so do you. I'm sorry to say, but you don't have the right to tell me who I should be in a relationship with. You assumed Avi and I got together after that Sunway outing. I tried my best to convince you that I had no personal relationship with him. Sure, he posted a long status but I'm not that absent minded to have said yes. I knew it hurt Lalithya, I knew how it hurt very well. I told you the truth.
You ought to know because you read Mi Shie's twitter inbox. You read my full intention. You asked me;
'what's up with you and Avi?
'I am saying that why r u "layaning" when you clearly have unresolved feelings towards haraa?'
Another ouch. It sounded very territorial of you. It made me feel uncomfortable. I told you that Avi would wait for me and here's what you said;
'Owh the wait trick.Yeah been there, just irk be carefully with him. U know how he made me feel then dumped me. Yeah I just do t want u to get hurt Thils'
That's the original message. Every single word of it. What happened yesterday, the whole mom calling incident,that wasn't right. Think of it this way, she's a mom, an adult, a supposed rational adult. It wasn't right for her to not let the girls talk. She said that she has heard your part of the story but ours and correct her if she's wrong. Everytime they wanted to correct her. Wanted to white out that twist you've made, she never gave them a chance, that's the thing with adults, you always lose. Hands down.
I actually looked up to your mom you know that? How she has had a lot of hardship but still she is able to raise 3 daughters on her own. I respected her till she called me a 'total disaster'. That is beyond painful. It's like another way of saying that I was born and accident. Might as well pull a trigger to my chest. I don't mean to be offensive, but for a mom, that was low. Commenting on other people's child? She's no different from me, only thing is she's an adult. The thought that she told you not to friend us all, wow.. that's a little bit hurtful. We had your back and now we're nobody to you.
We're all 16. Your mom referred to the girls are primary school kids, I'm sorry but we didn't involve our parents in on it. We didn't ask our moms to solve our problems. Because we're mature enough to think for ourselves. We're mature to solve problems for ourselves. Parents aren't gonna be always there to save our asses. One day they'll all be ashes.
There were a number of things I wanted to say, And pulling the family card was one of them. I knew my boundary. It's not that I am an;
'attention seeker'
You just hurt everyone. Syahriah is the most delicate one in the bunch, you would know that huh 'best friend' ? You know what she's been through and you know how she gets touchy for a small thing. I didn't wanna see her cry.
Remember Sharvin? Your current boyfriend? Manavar Vizha. I didn't attend the prize giving ceremony. I didnt know I won for the Essay Competition. You went up to represent me, and we were in an argument. Sham asked why you took my medal? and what did you say?
'I know I don't like her, but I like the medal'
You're known enough and you had to steal that from me too. I have only a voice to stand out. A little bit of essay writing. That's it. I do what I can to live up to what I'm gifted with. I'm constantly getting hurt by you. Everytime I want to patch things up, you give me a reason not to.
Remember how Sham told you abou that crush she had on Sharvin ? You just had to dare your sister to go and tell Sharvin that YOU had a crush on him. Sham went on for a while on this topic, she got hurt. If not for more rejection, Sharvin called her 'sis' and said he didn't like her like he liked you.She has had hell and you of all people, would know that. I remember asking you, since when did you like Sharvin ? you said;
'since last year itself I like him'
When you are with Avi? When you were with Darwin ? This runs in my head, you liked someone else when you WERE in a relationship ? Sometimes Lali, you have to choose the right words.
The way you acted during Sham's brother's wedding dinner, I can't forget. Those sticks for the dance had to suddenly disappear. We were waiting for guests in the doorway and I vividly remember you instructing me;
'Thila, come here, hold this...'
And you happily walked off laughing about with syahriah. I was left standing there. They all told me after I sang that night, you didn't clap but your mom did, and you told her to stop. Ouch.. ouch..ouch.. This is what it's like for me Lali, I don't need no response from you, as always, I want to convey the message. The whole storyline behind this.
Here, you hurt me in many ways I can't deduce, you hurt Mish by invading her privacy, she trusted you less after that, you hurt Sham by Sharvin and last but not least, Isolating Syahriah.
Syah was starting to think you'd never leave her, but she felt alone, not just her but me. Though we patched things back up, it didn't feel like it. You never want to spend time more with us, that's because you found Nathlyn. I have nothing against Nat.
I've earnt a lot of haters throughout this journey and I'm finally bringing it to an end. Best friend tell each other everything. You never wanted to tell who your boyfriends were cause you saw us as a jinx somehow. You never told us that you were leaving for Tenby. You even skipped your add maths exam because;
'I'm not taking SPM, SPM is not recognized anywhere only in Malaysia'
As much reluctancy I had in me. I did want all six of us to graduate together next year. All in our robes and hats, with our scrolls, we are always gonna remain like that in my head. I just was tired of everyone getting hurt Lali, I seek for no attention. I seek for no live drama. I seek for no satisfaction.
I told many people before I don't like confrontation. I'm bad when it comes to me talking face to face. Nothing is pretty. You insisted on it Lalithya Rupini. When I talk behind your back and post status, you don't think it's right. When I talk to you, you don't think it's right.Who's controlling who ? I have a very bad temper and talking in a calm and orderly fashion wont do no justice. I was raised by a strong woman. What I said that day, I had let out. This is all just in detail. The main answer to your;
'what problem do you have with me?'
This is my substitute to the answer
'The fact you're still alive'.
Mean and subjective as it is, I'm sorry but I'm not taking that back. You just had to know how much hate runs through my veins. As I raised my voice the other day, so did you. I tried to spare your feelings by approaching you online, but you always thought that I was afraid. You claimed;
'I can't cry, I have no emotions'
I managed to see that emotional side that I broke out of your egotistic self. That's all I needed. A friend that will laugh and cry at given times. Now you're a free bird, I'll leave you in peace and pieces(figure of speech). Because of ME, you're shifting schools. Then so be it.
I just hope you find friends worthy enough for you, not us, and definitely not me. I don't want no feedback,please. I'm not scared. I just want you to see it from my point of view. Your mother can bring us to the headmistress, she can do whatever she wants,she wants to tell my dad I have a boyfriend, he already knows. I won't be here long either. So it's sayonara.
I hope that answered your questions. I won't be answering anymore. This is the final straw. You have finally been answered. If change comes knocking on your door, go with the flow, if you happen to end up in the same situation again *touchwood you know what to do. Avoid history from repeating itself.
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| So long then, friend. |
Sincerely,
S.Thilakawathy Camillo
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