DSGWM: A Sisters Perspective

  At home, I am addressed as 'Akka' which means sister in Tamil. Growing up as an only child in the initial stage of my life was pretty hectic. If you got into shit, you get blamed for that shit. You'd face the wrath of the hanger from mama and always end up running behind papa as shield. You get loved too much and often get caning too much. There is no in between! 

  I remember at the age of 4 or 5, my parents and I were driving to Jaya Jusco (at that time) Bandar Baru Klang. We had stopped at a red light and I knelt down with my hands put in a prayer on the backseat. That very night, I prayed to God asking him for a baby brother. I was very precise with Him. I told Him I didn't want a baby sister because we would fight over things and I would pull her hair. He got the message.

  2 years later...

  I received the news that would change my life forever! My mother was pregnant! I was over the moon. I remember nights where I would listen to my brother through my moms belly. The boy had powerful feet and even more powerful kicks! It was such an overwhelming feeling to be aware that there is this small human inside of my mother. 

  To my surprise, I was never jealous of the fact that we were welcoming an addition to the family. I understood that this baby needed full attention from my parents. I have to admit I loved loved loved giving attention to the baby too! 

  The day he was born was literally unforgettable. Ask me about my brothers birth when I'm 70 and I will tell you everything in full detail. It was May 14th of 2003. I was brought to the hospital. I went into the ward to find no baby. I saw the exhaustion on my moms face! Was it THAT bad? The nurse asked me if I wanted to see the baby... well... duh... 

  I bolted through the corridors of SJMC looking for the nursery. The nurse guided us to the nursery where you could see all the babies that were born on display! I make it sound like a pasar malam... I was really puzzled as fuck. All the babies looked. the. same. I tried to make a wild guess but no can do. Every baby looked like a potato. The nurse from the inside pointed at the little darling. He had lots of hair and his skin was this warm brown colour almost like a sunset. He was wrapped in pink hahaha.. Real men wear pink, don't play play. 

  They brought him to the ward and I touched him. His skin was the softest thing my fingers had sensed, softer than silk. He had this small mouth which when he yawned was like a baby dinosaur. His eyes were still shut. I was happy. 

  There's not a day I wish that he was never born. I made sure he was loved. I made sure I was the translator for him when he was 3. I made sure I was his play mate. I made sure he laughed because when he does, his eyes light up brighter than the full moon and his smile could outrun the sunlight. 

  This year my little man turns 12 and I constantly remind him to never stray far away from me - I know you're gonna wanna be a teenager and do teenage stuff and you're gonna be estranged from ma and pa but don't add me to that picture. I know you're gonna fall in love because you do realize you're handsome right? Know that akka is always here for you. Know that I am still going to accept you for who you are even if you fuck up. You're my best friend. You'll always be the one person who has seen me dance crazy, it's repulsive and that one person who has seen me bawl my eyes out, it's hideous. 

  Tonight, you dozed off on my bed and when I tried to wake you up, you said you were thirsty. I brought you water like how you like it, cold. You looked at me and said 'Thank you Akka'. It felt like I hadn't heard that in a while and it triggered a tingly feeling. Thank you toi. Thank you for existing. 

P.S. - I have this habit of giving loads of kisses to my brother since birth (I am not joking) so I tend to kiss in public and his classmate was over at our house. The boy went like 'Thila, you still do that to Raam? My sister doesn't treat me like that at all!' My heart shriveled! No one should be not loved! 

If you have a younger sibling, be who you want them to be. 

Signing off,
Thilamisu.