Anxiety Attacks
When I was a little girl, I used to cry a lot. I can tell you not much has changed since then. Everyone seemed so much tougher and in-control of themselves except for me. The most simplest things could get me teary-eyed. Someone could raise their voice, someone could compliment me, someone could advise me, someone could point out my mistakes and I would get so shaken up by it in a matter of seconds!
I used my star sign as an excuse. A Cancerian is know for their gentle and sensitive nature. I grew up watching the PowerPuff Girls and I always admired Buttercup. I loved how edgy, firm, dominant, straight-forward and boyish she was. Unfortunately, deep down, I knew I was Bubbles. I hated it so bloody much.
Why?
Because I knew people would take advantage of me.
Because I knew I wouldn't be able to hide how I really feel.
Because crying was a sign of weakness.
Because crying won't solve anything.
Because I was born this way.
It's frightening because I think I feel emotions like sadness, grief and depression twice as more than a normal person.I'm considered not-normal. I go through constant anxiety and panic attacks. It is so bad I wouldn't wish it upon the cruelest person on Earth.
Do you know what anxiety/panic attacks are like?
It starts with your heartbeat ringing in your ears. Your ears become so sensitive that they pick up the vibrations of your heart pumping blood violently. This cramp, a certain type of pain starts to develop in your chest almost as though feeling an emotional pain, physically. Imagine feeling your heart freeze bit by bit. You can feel the shards of ice crystallizing around your heart. You feel so cold. That pain travels down to your fingertips. You can feel the tips of your fingernails ache on your fingers. Your feet starts to ice up gradually to an extent where you feel numb. Your whole body remains stationery. It's unbelievable how your heart pumps so vigorously without even moving a muscle. You catch yourself constantly looking up. As if you're reaching out to gasp for air. Your lungs feels like water is slowly filling them up. You take constant deep breaths and with every inhalation, you drown so much deeper. It is such a torturous feeling to take real deep breaths but still feel out of breath. The breathing gets heavier and heavier and soon you're hyperventilating. At that very moment, you feel like you could pass out. I always wish I did so I don't have to go through a panic attack. The tears kill your vision because they never stop flowing. It usually takes 15 to 20 minutes to slow down. You lie restlessly on your bed, feeling extreme exhaustion. I always give in and close my eyes. Give your body a chance to recharge. The amount of energy you lose needs to be replenished. That's when you know you have put your body under a lot of stress.
thilamisu
I used my star sign as an excuse. A Cancerian is know for their gentle and sensitive nature. I grew up watching the PowerPuff Girls and I always admired Buttercup. I loved how edgy, firm, dominant, straight-forward and boyish she was. Unfortunately, deep down, I knew I was Bubbles. I hated it so bloody much.
Why?
Because I knew people would take advantage of me.
Because I knew I wouldn't be able to hide how I really feel.
Because crying was a sign of weakness.
Because crying won't solve anything.
Because I was born this way.
It's frightening because I think I feel emotions like sadness, grief and depression twice as more than a normal person.I'm considered not-normal. I go through constant anxiety and panic attacks. It is so bad I wouldn't wish it upon the cruelest person on Earth.
Do you know what anxiety/panic attacks are like?
It starts with your heartbeat ringing in your ears. Your ears become so sensitive that they pick up the vibrations of your heart pumping blood violently. This cramp, a certain type of pain starts to develop in your chest almost as though feeling an emotional pain, physically. Imagine feeling your heart freeze bit by bit. You can feel the shards of ice crystallizing around your heart. You feel so cold. That pain travels down to your fingertips. You can feel the tips of your fingernails ache on your fingers. Your feet starts to ice up gradually to an extent where you feel numb. Your whole body remains stationery. It's unbelievable how your heart pumps so vigorously without even moving a muscle. You catch yourself constantly looking up. As if you're reaching out to gasp for air. Your lungs feels like water is slowly filling them up. You take constant deep breaths and with every inhalation, you drown so much deeper. It is such a torturous feeling to take real deep breaths but still feel out of breath. The breathing gets heavier and heavier and soon you're hyperventilating. At that very moment, you feel like you could pass out. I always wish I did so I don't have to go through a panic attack. The tears kill your vision because they never stop flowing. It usually takes 15 to 20 minutes to slow down. You lie restlessly on your bed, feeling extreme exhaustion. I always give in and close my eyes. Give your body a chance to recharge. The amount of energy you lose needs to be replenished. That's when you know you have put your body under a lot of stress.
thilamisu
Comments
Post a Comment