Homesick
I remember posting my Au Revoir post before I left for the United States. I felt a sense of relief and accomplishment when I realized I was going to start out new, start out fresh. I was ever ready to leave my problems and troubles behind. I just wanted to restart my life.
I have settled in for 9 months and it didn't really turned out as I pictured it to be. Of course, what I pictured it to be, needed a lot of money to come true. I'm working on that. I have been very attentive lately. Attentive to how the western culture transform the Asians (particularly Malaysian/Singaporean). I have been discreetly stalking some instafamous girls. Brewing in my own insecurity, pondering to myself why do I look like a 12-year-old boy compared to them.
My observations:
Fixed variable: 1. They all choose to move to California
2. They sort of depend on daddy, financially
Post-Manipulated variable: 1. Hair color
2. Eye color
3. Accent
Responding variable: 1. Social media famous, basically.
I bet you're thinking I'm so bitter about this. Yeah, maybe about 20%. Freedom is one of the factors. When you have you're own life to deal with, an apartment to yourself, a generous amount of cash flow, what could go wrong right?
This is a very contradicting and hypocritical post so it might sound like an argumentative essay that I'm plotting over the internal monologue debate I'm having in my head.
I have always wanted to dye my hair crazy colors even before I got here! I figured that I'm bold enough to take on that challenge. In Malaysia, it's either you had RM400-RM1000 to get your hair done professionally or spend RM200-RM300 on DIY hair products. Here in the US, you can get all the hair products you need at Sally's Beauty Supply for under $50. That being said, the cost of living in Malaysia is high. You know its true when RM50 isn't enough for a daily expenditure. Been there, done that! In Malaysia, you spend more than you earn. Prices keeps going up but pays remain low. Thinking about it, how can a family of 4 survive on a salary of 2k a month?
Accent wise, this. This I am guilty of. However, I don't overdo it to the point my tongue ties up in knots. I guess the reason a lot of Malaysians/Singaporeans end up coming home with an accent is because they train themselves to speak like an American in order to be understood by Americans. Myself, I speak hella fast when it comes to talking Manglish - Malaysian English. I have to really slow it down and pronounce a certain word like they would and it annoys the fuck out of me because it give my jaw a workout. Problem is, people who have a British accent and Jamaican accent embrace it. I think Malaysians and Singaporeans should too UNLESS, that is how you speak at home.
Over here, it's nice that random strangers say hello to you on the street but back home, muka masam je! Macam buah jeruk!
Nevertheless, I am homesick. I haven't gotten fully adapted to the western culture. Sure, I've dyed my hair titanium but I mean, I'm gonna have the same hair when I'm old so... I really miss the liveliness of Malaysia. I miss the people, friends and family. I miss the food, actual food that tickles your taste buds and not taste like cardboard. I miss the culture and the how colorful it is. I miss the diversity. I miss those cheesy 1Malaysia songs on Tv3! I miss what I have grown accustomed to. I miss what's in my blood. I was born in the Philippines but my heart is all Malaysian. I grew up lining up to the Milo trucks, I grew up eating with my hand, I grew up singing Negaraku every Monday morning. I grew up messing that damn star with 14 points on my drawing every Independence day. I grew up Malaysian.
You know what's weird? People find it weird I eat with my hand, people find it weird I can eat fish with it's head still on, people find it weird that I can eat cili padi, people find it weird I speak fluent English although I'm from Malaysia. Asians in general, are exposed to so much culture. If I had to give you a reason to love where you're from, be it Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Philippines etc. I want you to know that you are rich, you are wealthy. With what you ask? With culture. Culture isn't just the thing you read in your Moral or Civic textbooks. It's whats in your blood. The best part of it, coming here to the US only made me realize that I didn't miss out much on life. I have lived my childhood in the most colorful way possible and I couldn't ask for more.
Do me a favor and stop complaining. Stop complaining it's too hot, stop complaining about the haze, stop complaining about the government, stop condoning racism, stop being ungrateful towards your country. Plant it in your head that as long you are safe and not in war, you are blessed.
Right this moment, I wish I was on a flight back home.
thilamisu
I have settled in for 9 months and it didn't really turned out as I pictured it to be. Of course, what I pictured it to be, needed a lot of money to come true. I'm working on that. I have been very attentive lately. Attentive to how the western culture transform the Asians (particularly Malaysian/Singaporean). I have been discreetly stalking some instafamous girls. Brewing in my own insecurity, pondering to myself why do I look like a 12-year-old boy compared to them.
My observations:
Fixed variable: 1. They all choose to move to California
2. They sort of depend on daddy, financially
Post-Manipulated variable: 1. Hair color
2. Eye color
3. Accent
Responding variable: 1. Social media famous, basically.
I bet you're thinking I'm so bitter about this. Yeah, maybe about 20%. Freedom is one of the factors. When you have you're own life to deal with, an apartment to yourself, a generous amount of cash flow, what could go wrong right?
This is a very contradicting and hypocritical post so it might sound like an argumentative essay that I'm plotting over the internal monologue debate I'm having in my head.
I have always wanted to dye my hair crazy colors even before I got here! I figured that I'm bold enough to take on that challenge. In Malaysia, it's either you had RM400-RM1000 to get your hair done professionally or spend RM200-RM300 on DIY hair products. Here in the US, you can get all the hair products you need at Sally's Beauty Supply for under $50. That being said, the cost of living in Malaysia is high. You know its true when RM50 isn't enough for a daily expenditure. Been there, done that! In Malaysia, you spend more than you earn. Prices keeps going up but pays remain low. Thinking about it, how can a family of 4 survive on a salary of 2k a month?
Accent wise, this. This I am guilty of. However, I don't overdo it to the point my tongue ties up in knots. I guess the reason a lot of Malaysians/Singaporeans end up coming home with an accent is because they train themselves to speak like an American in order to be understood by Americans. Myself, I speak hella fast when it comes to talking Manglish - Malaysian English. I have to really slow it down and pronounce a certain word like they would and it annoys the fuck out of me because it give my jaw a workout. Problem is, people who have a British accent and Jamaican accent embrace it. I think Malaysians and Singaporeans should too UNLESS, that is how you speak at home.
Over here, it's nice that random strangers say hello to you on the street but back home, muka masam je! Macam buah jeruk!
Nevertheless, I am homesick. I haven't gotten fully adapted to the western culture. Sure, I've dyed my hair titanium but I mean, I'm gonna have the same hair when I'm old so... I really miss the liveliness of Malaysia. I miss the people, friends and family. I miss the food, actual food that tickles your taste buds and not taste like cardboard. I miss the culture and the how colorful it is. I miss the diversity. I miss those cheesy 1Malaysia songs on Tv3! I miss what I have grown accustomed to. I miss what's in my blood. I was born in the Philippines but my heart is all Malaysian. I grew up lining up to the Milo trucks, I grew up eating with my hand, I grew up singing Negaraku every Monday morning. I grew up messing that damn star with 14 points on my drawing every Independence day. I grew up Malaysian.
You know what's weird? People find it weird I eat with my hand, people find it weird I can eat fish with it's head still on, people find it weird that I can eat cili padi, people find it weird I speak fluent English although I'm from Malaysia. Asians in general, are exposed to so much culture. If I had to give you a reason to love where you're from, be it Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Philippines etc. I want you to know that you are rich, you are wealthy. With what you ask? With culture. Culture isn't just the thing you read in your Moral or Civic textbooks. It's whats in your blood. The best part of it, coming here to the US only made me realize that I didn't miss out much on life. I have lived my childhood in the most colorful way possible and I couldn't ask for more.
Do me a favor and stop complaining. Stop complaining it's too hot, stop complaining about the haze, stop complaining about the government, stop condoning racism, stop being ungrateful towards your country. Plant it in your head that as long you are safe and not in war, you are blessed.
Right this moment, I wish I was on a flight back home.
thilamisu
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